Taking Stock *Edited and Abriged*
Jean-Paul Satre was a French exitentialist philosopher, dramatist, screenwriter and novelist. In his play No Exit he said in as many words that "Hell is other people."
Today it's about 80 degrees and sunny. I love the sun! The sun makes me happy. I love my job, and the people that I work with. I love that I can go to my boss when I need a mother figure. I love the fact that I'm crazy-busy and always stressed out. I love my voice, and I love that there are plenty of people that I think are better singers than me. I love the ability that I have to sit at my computer for three hours and write about the story of a character I invented all on my own. I love that I can stay awake until 2 in the morning dreaming up adventures for that character. I love that I have a degree of curiousity that, while it may get me into trouble at times, allows me to truly experience life without heart-breaking regrets. I love that I've gained the ability to put the past behind me, because I remember a time that I couldn't. I love rainshowers and thunderstorms. I love going into the pouring rain and dancing until I'm completely soaked, and someday I hope to be kissed in one such rainstorm. I love the gift of eloquence I have been given, however unpresent it may seem of late and despite the fact that everything I say anymore becomes lost in translation. I embrace my "inner demons", as some would call them, and love that they are as much a part of me as the hair on my head or the fingers on my hands. If I didn't have any problems at all I'd be a stuck-up, prissy little bitch on a high horse that goes around judging other people for their problems. I love that that is not the person that I am. I love that I don't go around trying to change and point out the flaws in others because I realize that I'm human enough to have my own (flaws that is). I love listening to music that has lyrics that mean something (even if they're depressing). I love Josh Groban. I love Evanescence, and I love the song "Standing at the Edge of the Earth" by Blessid Union of Souls. I love Relient K and the messages that are in their music. I love that I know that I don't need a guy on my arm to define me, even if no one seems to believe me. I love that I'm just as happy being single as I will be the day I enter a relationship with a guy who loves me. I love that there is a part of me that can be a hopeless romantic, and I love being able to hope that someday I might just be blessed with a love that is that amazing, while still realizing that true love in this world is a lot different than the love I read about in a novel (of which I love Fantasy. I tend to not read too many romance novels). I love that I can read a book and get so into it that I feel each character's heart break and joy, and I love authors that can take me on adventures that provide this for me. I love the writing style of Juliet Marillier. I love that with me for the most part what you see is what you get. I love playing video games, playing soccer, and being able to play a plethora of musical instruments. I love being tan, even if it means that I'm going to get skin cancer. I love the faith that I have found, whatever name you would choose to give it, and the spiritual Mother and Father that take care of me. I love that I would fight to the death for something I truly believe in, including myself. I would love to someday play the role of Christine Daae in Phantom of the Opera and I would love to play one of the two female leads (Emma or Lucy) in Jekyll and Hyde. I love my family and I love my cat, even though my cat hates me. I basically love kitties in general, and do enjoy the occasional cute dog. I love my best friends, and love all of the people that I am friends with. I love to dance and I love attention just as much as the next person. I love that I'm still growing up and learning about who I am and who I will be someday. I love that I'm going to college and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I love that there are things about me that people seem hell-bent on making me change. I love how I'm majoring in Journalism and Music, and there's a part of me that wants to be an english teacher. I love that I am a nice, kind, caring and considerate person, and I love the unfailing trust that I have in the human race and every person I meet. I love swimming and I love my pet turtle GuiGui. I love Cedar Point. I love that I have friends who will turn to me for advice and comfort. I love my best friend's wedding dress, as well as my Senior Prom dress. I love white roses and lilacs. I love the smell of the Yankee Candle scent Midsummer's Night. I love it when a guy smells really good. I love laughing, smiling, and looking in the mirror to be able to say that I'm "having a good face day", and I love how many great face days I've had in the past month. I love the refreshing soreness that settles in my muscles after I've done something physical that used muscles I haven't used in a while. I love the Irish lullaby Too Ral Loo Ral Loo Ral, and I love that when I was little my grandpa always sang it to me. I love that I'm finding that my life is falling into place exactly the way that it needs to without some magical turn of events. I love the smell of a brand new book and freshly printed paper while its still hot. I love the smell of clean laundry and the warmth I get when I fall face-first into as it sits on my bed waiting to be folded. I love being adorable.
I hate that people can't accept that I truly love all of these things.
My father has told me at least two great stories in my life:
1.) *After I had been complaining about how disgusting cockroaches are* "Well, you know, when you have to sleep in a dirty bathtub because you barely have a home to live in, and those cockroaches are the only things around to keep you company, you find that they make really good little friends." Some people don't know how lucky they have it.
2.) "I remember when I was over in Vietnam... A couple of my buddies and me were taking karate lessons from a master. One of my friends, while practicing a move, accidentally hurt the instructor. He apologized and the instructor nodded his head and told him that it was okay and he should forget about it and move on. That wasn't acceptable for my buddy, and the guy kept apologizing over and over again every time he saw the instructor. Finally the instructor looked at him and said, 'Let's step outside and I'll kill you.' And he would have done it, too, if the rest of us hadn't jumped in and explained that this buddy of ours didn't mean him any insult by bringing it up over and over again."
Here is a very short list of things that are truly horrible:
1.) A 16-year old boy in Vermont shot his father in the face with a rifle while talking on the phone to his best friend and telling him how much he wanted to kill his father.
2.) The tornados that have recently devastated Kansas, as well as hurricane Katrina
3.) 9-11 4.) People in war who see their friends die in battle every day.
5.) Being in a really bad car accident and knowing that, while everyone in your car survived and had little in the way of injury, the two people in the other car died on impact.
I'm pretty freakin' sweet if you give me the chance to be, and if you can't see how happy I am to be me right now, maybe you should start looking at the big picture instead of each isolated incident. I think you'd be surprised at how many uplifting moments there are. When you have 24/7/365 footage of my everyday life, you can make assumptions about my emotional state.
I'll end with a story (which I hope people find funny, as I do):
Jesus was walking the streets one day when he came across a particularly rowdy group of people. Curious, he approached them and asked what was going on.
"This woman has committed adultery!" one man claimed, pointing to the frightened young lady who cowered inside of their circle. "According to our law we will now stone her!"
Jesus nodded acknowledgement to them, then picked up a stick and proceed to draw in the ground. The men of the group watched curiously until he nodded his head, and stood back up, addressing them.
"Let the one among you who has committed no sin be the one to cast the first stone."
He said this, then bent back down to continue writing in the sand. One by one the men dispersed until none were left except a woman in blue. She looked at Jesus, then the woman, and bent down to pick up a stone.
Jesus looked at her and with a laugh and a sigh said,
"Go home, Mom."
Today it's about 80 degrees and sunny. I love the sun! The sun makes me happy. I love my job, and the people that I work with. I love that I can go to my boss when I need a mother figure. I love the fact that I'm crazy-busy and always stressed out. I love my voice, and I love that there are plenty of people that I think are better singers than me. I love the ability that I have to sit at my computer for three hours and write about the story of a character I invented all on my own. I love that I can stay awake until 2 in the morning dreaming up adventures for that character. I love that I have a degree of curiousity that, while it may get me into trouble at times, allows me to truly experience life without heart-breaking regrets. I love that I've gained the ability to put the past behind me, because I remember a time that I couldn't. I love rainshowers and thunderstorms. I love going into the pouring rain and dancing until I'm completely soaked, and someday I hope to be kissed in one such rainstorm. I love the gift of eloquence I have been given, however unpresent it may seem of late and despite the fact that everything I say anymore becomes lost in translation. I embrace my "inner demons", as some would call them, and love that they are as much a part of me as the hair on my head or the fingers on my hands. If I didn't have any problems at all I'd be a stuck-up, prissy little bitch on a high horse that goes around judging other people for their problems. I love that that is not the person that I am. I love that I don't go around trying to change and point out the flaws in others because I realize that I'm human enough to have my own (flaws that is). I love listening to music that has lyrics that mean something (even if they're depressing). I love Josh Groban. I love Evanescence, and I love the song "Standing at the Edge of the Earth" by Blessid Union of Souls. I love Relient K and the messages that are in their music. I love that I know that I don't need a guy on my arm to define me, even if no one seems to believe me. I love that I'm just as happy being single as I will be the day I enter a relationship with a guy who loves me. I love that there is a part of me that can be a hopeless romantic, and I love being able to hope that someday I might just be blessed with a love that is that amazing, while still realizing that true love in this world is a lot different than the love I read about in a novel (of which I love Fantasy. I tend to not read too many romance novels). I love that I can read a book and get so into it that I feel each character's heart break and joy, and I love authors that can take me on adventures that provide this for me. I love the writing style of Juliet Marillier. I love that with me for the most part what you see is what you get. I love playing video games, playing soccer, and being able to play a plethora of musical instruments. I love being tan, even if it means that I'm going to get skin cancer. I love the faith that I have found, whatever name you would choose to give it, and the spiritual Mother and Father that take care of me. I love that I would fight to the death for something I truly believe in, including myself. I would love to someday play the role of Christine Daae in Phantom of the Opera and I would love to play one of the two female leads (Emma or Lucy) in Jekyll and Hyde. I love my family and I love my cat, even though my cat hates me. I basically love kitties in general, and do enjoy the occasional cute dog. I love my best friends, and love all of the people that I am friends with. I love to dance and I love attention just as much as the next person. I love that I'm still growing up and learning about who I am and who I will be someday. I love that I'm going to college and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I love that there are things about me that people seem hell-bent on making me change. I love how I'm majoring in Journalism and Music, and there's a part of me that wants to be an english teacher. I love that I am a nice, kind, caring and considerate person, and I love the unfailing trust that I have in the human race and every person I meet. I love swimming and I love my pet turtle GuiGui. I love Cedar Point. I love that I have friends who will turn to me for advice and comfort. I love my best friend's wedding dress, as well as my Senior Prom dress. I love white roses and lilacs. I love the smell of the Yankee Candle scent Midsummer's Night. I love it when a guy smells really good. I love laughing, smiling, and looking in the mirror to be able to say that I'm "having a good face day", and I love how many great face days I've had in the past month. I love the refreshing soreness that settles in my muscles after I've done something physical that used muscles I haven't used in a while. I love the Irish lullaby Too Ral Loo Ral Loo Ral, and I love that when I was little my grandpa always sang it to me. I love that I'm finding that my life is falling into place exactly the way that it needs to without some magical turn of events. I love the smell of a brand new book and freshly printed paper while its still hot. I love the smell of clean laundry and the warmth I get when I fall face-first into as it sits on my bed waiting to be folded. I love being adorable.
I hate that people can't accept that I truly love all of these things.
My father has told me at least two great stories in my life:
1.) *After I had been complaining about how disgusting cockroaches are* "Well, you know, when you have to sleep in a dirty bathtub because you barely have a home to live in, and those cockroaches are the only things around to keep you company, you find that they make really good little friends." Some people don't know how lucky they have it.
2.) "I remember when I was over in Vietnam... A couple of my buddies and me were taking karate lessons from a master. One of my friends, while practicing a move, accidentally hurt the instructor. He apologized and the instructor nodded his head and told him that it was okay and he should forget about it and move on. That wasn't acceptable for my buddy, and the guy kept apologizing over and over again every time he saw the instructor. Finally the instructor looked at him and said, 'Let's step outside and I'll kill you.' And he would have done it, too, if the rest of us hadn't jumped in and explained that this buddy of ours didn't mean him any insult by bringing it up over and over again."
Here is a very short list of things that are truly horrible:
1.) A 16-year old boy in Vermont shot his father in the face with a rifle while talking on the phone to his best friend and telling him how much he wanted to kill his father.
2.) The tornados that have recently devastated Kansas, as well as hurricane Katrina
3.) 9-11 4.) People in war who see their friends die in battle every day.
5.) Being in a really bad car accident and knowing that, while everyone in your car survived and had little in the way of injury, the two people in the other car died on impact.
I'm pretty freakin' sweet if you give me the chance to be, and if you can't see how happy I am to be me right now, maybe you should start looking at the big picture instead of each isolated incident. I think you'd be surprised at how many uplifting moments there are. When you have 24/7/365 footage of my everyday life, you can make assumptions about my emotional state.
I'll end with a story (which I hope people find funny, as I do):
Jesus was walking the streets one day when he came across a particularly rowdy group of people. Curious, he approached them and asked what was going on.
"This woman has committed adultery!" one man claimed, pointing to the frightened young lady who cowered inside of their circle. "According to our law we will now stone her!"
Jesus nodded acknowledgement to them, then picked up a stick and proceed to draw in the ground. The men of the group watched curiously until he nodded his head, and stood back up, addressing them.
"Let the one among you who has committed no sin be the one to cast the first stone."
He said this, then bent back down to continue writing in the sand. One by one the men dispersed until none were left except a woman in blue. She looked at Jesus, then the woman, and bent down to pick up a stone.
Jesus looked at her and with a laugh and a sigh said,
"Go home, Mom."
posted by ~Nightinga£e~ | 6:38 PM
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