Happy Halloween!!!

"The sun ever-rises on a thousand lost souls,
kissing their time-frozen faces.
Bringing the warmth to their icey-cold hearts,
and bad mem'ries from their minds erases.
Time ever-plods on as day turns to eve
and the night ghosts sink into their places,
awaiting the children who'll roam through the street,
bearing some other ones' faces.
So the demons will roam and the nightmares will scare
and at dusk they'll return to their queen,
to sit in the shadows with blood-colored eyes,
awaiting the next Halloween."
~Heather Schuck~



^_^ From me to you, some of the best Halloween smilies I've got at my disposal. ^_^
May you get more treats than tricks this Halloween. ^_~

Spanish Class

There are a great many things done in spanish class that make for good times and a lot of laughs. ^_^ Don't worry if you don't understand.


¡Tigre feroz! *RAWR*

similarminds.com

So I took some fun personality tests to find out which famous leader I am and what movie I am. Here are the results:

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Let Me Let Go

Each step I take leads me a little closer to where I need to be. Each morning the sun's rising brings me a day nearer to my future. The rain falls outside my window, quiet in the late afternoon, and beneath its passing I am cleansed of all my troubles. My thoughts, my failures, my misguided notions, my hope, my yearning, my sorrow are all washed away as I dance under the tears of the dark clouds above me. Wash me clean, God, forgive me for all that I am sorry for. Help me see the good. Help me get better.
I wish with all my heart that I could make sense of all of this. Understand what it is that is happening and detatch myself from it all. Make me not care. Make me not wonder. Make me not feel. This is karma. I deserve what is happening to me, because I was stupid so long ago. Lord, give me the will to keep from asking, "Why me?" and the strength to let go. Just let me let go...

Shameless Plug: The "Ahnold's Gang" Connection

Ha ha ha!!!! Now y'all get to see how completely psycho I really am!!! ^_~
I had a dream once... Well, actually: My friend Clarissa and I had a dream once that there was a land where all boys were gentlemen. They never played girls like barbie dolls and they never said those stupid things that just make us want to punch them. In this land, every girl that was good of soul and clean of heart had a guy of equal caliber and interest on her arm, ready to serve and be served in one of those give and take relationships that are so perfect. We looked around this world, where boys were anything but fucking stupid, and a tear sprung to my eye as I turned to Clarissa and said, "None of this is real, is it?" She in turn sighed and said, "Nope," with a slow shake of her head.
So Clarissa and I, in light of being completely fucked over one too many times by the opposite sex, decide it was time to start a club for all the single girls in the world who just want to bitch-slap every stupid boy they encounter. So we did. Now, we're honest enough to admit that there are some boys in the world that are absolutely fantabulous and don't deserve scorn, but, come on, let's be real, a vast majority of the male population are complete jackasses, some of them without realizing it.
We searched far and wide for a spokesperson for our club, but our search was without luck. We scoured jungles and foreign continents, we looked in the air and in the sea, we flipped through magazines and tabloids, but all was with no avail. We decided early on that having a female spokesperson might give people the wrong impression (I mean, we're not lesbian, just single), so we began what seemed to be a fruitless search for one of those males who was not fucking stupid, but showed great traits of personality and valor and would give us an image of strength. Then it dawned on us that there was one guy, the absolute rockinest in all the universe, who would portray us perfectly: Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Think about it, Arnold could be everybody's homeboy! He's well-mannered, eloquent, has a lot going for him and is a great man, and he's the kind of guy anyone would want for a bodyguard! So we decided the image we wanted with our club was Gov. Schwarzenegger and, with that, Ahnold's Gang was born.
We then asked ourselves: "It's well and good that all boys are fucking stupid, but how would Arnold say it?" Thus our motto was formulated: "All boyz ah focking stoopeed." Free of obscenity and, you have to admit, it'll give you a great laugh if you're really depressed. With Arnold looking out for us, no boy will ever burn us again!
Now that you know the history, I'll give you some of the details. Ahnold's Gang is a completely all-inclusive club. It's geared toward the single woman, but we understand that a lot of times just because a girl is in a relationship, doesn't mean her boyfriend can't be stupid. It's just that girls who are not single don't get to advertise as part of the club (sorry!!). But keep in mind, should you again obtain single status, pull out your "Ahnold's Gang" tag and wear our motto with pride.
Now, I'd imagine, to the boy who comes across this post, this all seems very discriminitive towards the male sex. That's not our goal. We are not trying to insult or make fun of anyone in any way. Our goal is not to shun the opposite sex, but to provide a tight-knit support group for all our chicas who have been burned. We are, in fact, not exclusive towards boys. If your door swings that way and you think all boyz ah focking stoopeed, we'll accept you into our club with open arms.
Unfortunately, since the two founders of this club are poor, starving college/highschool students, we don't have the funds to really make ourselves something widespread. Our hope is that someday we'll be able to have cards and t-shirts and maybe even buttons, but we have to get members first. :-/ We're not offering great benefits if you decide to join our club. We are nothing official, but we do promise to be there to help you through a rough time whenever the opposite sex plays you, hurts you, breaks your heart, or is just plain stupid. We believe in the healing power of support. Remember ladies: You are not alone!
So you wanna join? I'm going to work on getting a website up, I think (Ooo. This is fun!!! ^_^) but for now if you want to join, e-mail me at heather_schuck@hotmail.com with the words "Ahnold's Gang" in the subject line or send me an IM through AIM (MaharaniJules13) and I'll get you hooked up with what you need: How to contact us if you need some support, official permission to "tag yourself" and how to go about doing it, and two attatchments of the theme song and our picture logo (as seen below).
This probably sounds really silly to all of you, but wouldn't it be nice to know that you've always got someone there for you? The sad part about all of this is that I'm totally serious and this is all legit. "Ahnold's Gang" really does exist. *Shrugs* I told you I was psycho. ^_~ Who knows, maybe someday this will be a weird phenomenon. Lol. Stranger things have happened, right?

Our Theme Song (To the tune of Avril Lavigne's "My Happy Ending")

Oh, oh
All you boyz ah focking stoopeed
Oh, oh
All you boyz ah focking stoopeed

Let's talk about boys
and what's in their heads
They think we don't hear them
or know what they said

They think we're all stupid,
but they got us wrong
and so we're all rising
and this is our song

All the stoopeed boys in all the world
we know who you are!

You are nothing like, nothing like we wanted
and we know it now, show it now, we don't want you
and all of our memories, nothing to you, and all to us
now we see you as you are
all you boyz ah focking stoopeed!

You and your dumb friends
you all act the same
like immature children
playing your game

You think you know everything
we know that's not true
you're as dumb as the dumb rocks
that are under your shoe!


All the stoopeed boys in all the world
we know who you are!

You are nothing like, nothing like we wanted
and we know it now, show it now, we don't want you
and all of our memories, nothing to you, and all to us
now we see you as you are
all you boyz ah focking stoopeed!

We are flowers among weeds
boys, you ah focking stoopeed
You've got brains, but you use them not
And if Yoda were around
he'd send you wriggling on the ground
‘cause the force is with you not!


You are nothing like, nothing like we wanted...
and we know it now, show it now, we don't want you
and all of our memories, nothing to you, and all to us
now we see you as you are
all you boyz ah focking stoopeed!


You are nothing like, nothing like we wanted
and we know it now, show it now, we don't want you
and all of our memories, nothing to you, and all to us
now we see you as you are
all you boyz ah focking stoopeed!

Remember: We're with you, Arnold is with you, and the force is with you. ^_~ (Btw, Yoda is our back-up spokesperson. In the event that Arnold is unable to uphold his duty as our image, Yoda will step up to the job.) You're not alone ladies, e-mail me if you want to make it official. ^_^

Good Poetry

The Road not Taken
Robert Frost


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.


I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference.



All good poetry has the right to be shared, and for this particular moment in my life this poem seems to strike just a little bit at my soul. We all come to crossroads in our lives and it's the choices we make that determine who we grow up to be. -Sigh- I know which road I want to take, I'm just afraid to do it alone...

Sleep Well, Dear Heart

Sleep well, Dear Heart. When you wake up in the morning this will all have faded away, as if it were all a dream. I promise that the pain will stop. You can't see forever like I can and I swear that there's a promise for you. Believe in your future, My Kindred Spirit. You are lost, but the pathway can't stay unclear forever. Your hope will always be with you if you only have faith in yourself.
Beyond the stars there lies a secret waiting for you to uncover it. Reach out and grasp it. Hold tight to the spark that is lit deep within your soul. Behind your eyes, crystal clean in the summer sun, I see a fear and a shadow. Shed your preoccupations and anxieties. Don't forget your heart, golden and glowing like the dying embers of a burning fire. Look at me, Sweet Child, and see the truth I speak to you. The sun sets tonight, but it will rise again tomorrow. Always remember that it will rise again tomorrow.

Jumper

She stood poised, miles above the rest of the world. Far below on the street thousands of rushing people looked like ants scurrying off to do their work. A gust of wind blew past, blowing her long golden hair out behind her like a banner. She wore a summer dress, too airy for the cool of evening, that billowed out around her, too big for her slender figure.
She didn't turn as he burst through the door leading from the stairway, sweating and short of breath, as if he had sprinted a long way to get there. She didn't even react to the loud slam of the metal door, which caused him to wonder if she were even aware of what was happening around her. He was concerned for her, and moved within a few feet of where she was standing at the edge of the roof of the skyscraper. A light mist was beginning to fall around them.
"I didn't think you'd really come," she said blandly, not turning to address him, not moving at all. "I figured you didn't care. I figured you were done with me. Finished. I thought I'd lost you."
"I told you you'll never lose me," he responded, trying to get a look at her face, which she kept tactfully turned away. "Look at you! It's freezing! Come on inside! You have goosebumps all up and down your arms!"
Her face twitched into what might have been a smile as she gazed down at her bare arms, vulnerable to the temperature, but made no effort to remedy it.
"Look at all of them down there," she continued mindlessly, her words holding little meaning to him. "They don't know what's happening a thousand feet above their heads. They're content to rush about as if they are the only ones who matter in their life, oblivious to those they pass. Look at them. They don't know what's in the air until it comes crashing down on top of them."
He cocked his head to the side, moving closer. He didn't understand what she was talking about, but he was afraid for her. Afraid that she'd do something stupid. He had read the away message she'd put up on her istant messenger: "If I'm so great, I must have wings. I'm off to see if I can fly." Without much thought he knew he'd find her atop the building, looking out over the city: The place she always came when she had a lot on her mind and needed to think. He reached out to take a gentle hold of her wrist so he could guide her away from the perilous edge and back to the safety of the rooftop.
"If you touch me, I'll jump."
It came very sharp to his ears, striking his heart like a dagger, and he recoiled his hand fast, as if it had just been bitten or touched a hot oven-burner.
"Come on, Jules. Let's talk."
She laughed and the sound that came out scared him. It wasn't her normal laugh, which was sweet and pleasant to listen to. It was lower and more threatening, sarcastic and cynical and empty of all hope or happiness. It was laughter that was completely devoid of any emotion.
"Funny you should say, 'Let's talk,' because that was all I wanted. I was waiting for you to call me and come visit me so that we could sit down and just figure this shit out so that I could move on with my sad, pathetic, meaningless life. Then all of a sudden here you are, 'Let's talk.'"
He bit his lip. He had gone about things the wrong way. He wasn't sure how to identify what he felt for her, let alone what he should do about it. He didn't want to hurt her. He loved her dearly as a friend and wanted her to be happy, without pain. The irony struck him at that moment: By going about as he did, pretending they had nothing to talk about, it would all just dissolve into something he could handle and that they could both be happy with, that would be painless for both of them. By pushing her back like he did, however, he caused more damage than if he had just sat down and talked until they had it worked out and were in the same mindset.
"Look, I'm sorry. I'm stupid-"
The laughter resonated again, cutting his apology short.
"You're not stupid. Don't ever say that you're stupid."
He sighed. He didn't know what to say and he was afraid that if he reached out again she'd follow through with her threat. She saved him from speaking by continuing.
"You know, we were talking once about diving into the water and not really knowing what's there... This isn't much different. I see all those little people down there, and the empty air that lies between us, but I don't know what's in store if I were to just take the dive. It's all surface that I can't see beneath."
A sigh escaped her breath and she moved her hand to her face, looking from behind as though she were hurriedly dashing away a tear.
"That's all life is for me," she pressed on, sounding steady to him despite being apparently upset, "one dive after the other. For some reason I always take a chance and jump in the water, even though I know it always ends the same. For some reason I always take the chance. I was waiting for you to take a chance and jump in with me this time, thinking maybe for once I wouldn't be alone..."
Now she did turn to him and his heart lurched in his chest. In her green eyes he saw such a beautiful determination and such a tangible sorrow his heart broke instantly. He knew what was going to happen in his soul and he knew in his mind that he was powerless to stop it in the split second that would follow. A single tear oozed down her cheek, frozen like a perfect, round crystal upon her skin, it's watery trail bold upon the whiteness of her face. It was a tear of beauty, that could be written about in sonnets and drawn a thousand times and never captured in the grace and power it held in that single moment. It was a thousand emotions blazing forth through one, and he could see straight to her own heart, golden and glorious, but fading rapidly to a black shadow as the time passed too quickly for it to be saved.
"This time I hope you don't follow me."
He reached out for her and closed his eyes, hoping to grab hold and pull her back. She jumped.

Dazed and Confused, or Perhaps Making More Sense Than I Have in My Life

Time rolls on and still I move forward in this mystery called life. Home is where your heart is, but I have a bad feeling I lost my heart a long time ago, making it alarmingly difficult to see where home lies without the hinderance of the myopic blurriness through which I see everything else in my life. I went home this weekend, since the only word used to describe the place in which I was born and bred is "home."
Not bringing any surprise to me, nothing has changed in the time I've been gone. In fact, being there, it was almost as if I had never left, except for the priceless looks on the faces of those I love most as my secret prescence was revealed at the appointed times in my visit. It baffles my mind how it's possible for a town to spend forever completely untouched by the force of difference, which brings me to my biggest conundrum.
Delphos will never be home for me, but some of they whom I love best remain there, and will always remain there, in some of their cases, forever. To move forward with my life, I must move away from them, and I don't want to. These are the people that have earned nestled places in my heart, and I can't just let them go. Well, I can, but it's hard to hide how much I really do miss them. Then there's knowing that for the next at least five or six years I'm always going to have people to go back to, and that's not even including my entire family.
With the intuition of whatever future sight I have, at some point I feel I'm going to have to make a choice... What if I make the wrong one?

Senseless Randomness in Three Movements

Cry now. Let out your tears, for it's okay to hurt. The lessons you learn are hard and this is the price you pay, Dear Child, for letting yourself trust. You took a chance and, again, you fell. It's hard to see the light on days such as these. It's hard to see past the rain that falls outside your window. Dry your eyes, Sleeping Shadow. Dare to believe in something higher and hold on just a little longer. Wait patiently and someday your trust will be without a price paid. Hold on to that last little shard of hope with all your might. Soon it will be your day to fly.

I forgive you. You didn't do anything wrong. Just let go. In the movies there's always something right to say that brings about a happy ending, but there's nothing I can say to make you turn around. A part of me says that if I were smart I would fight for you, but I've never been the belligerent type and I respect your decision. Though I cry and feel pain, I don't regret any of this. Don't you regret, either.

Look to the west, where the sun dips below the horizon. See, there, behind the cover of the golden hued clouds, sits an angel, watching over all that is below her. See her eyes, bluer than the heart of the ocean filled with a kindness that could break your heart. See her hair, golden and glittering in the dying light of the setting sun. She dances to the rhythm of an unheard cadence.
She stretches out a slender, milk-white hand, beckoning to her a shadow, crying on the mountainside. The mist of the evening gathers at her feet and the flowers grow where she walks.
"Give me your pain," she says to the dark figure, her eyes softening with an empathetic gaze. "Offer me your tears and in the morning all will be well."
The shadow moves, it's body flowing with liquid grace like that never seen before. It turns its back to the angel and huddles to the ground, its knees drawn up close to its chin. The angel sighs, the smile fading from her face. She moves to the being, wrapping her arms gently around its shoulders.
"Do not be afraid anymore," she commands gently. "Let this go."
"I trusted and look what happened..." it replies weakly.
"You took a chance, knowing the risk involved. It didn't end well this time, but there will be other times. You must keep faith. It's never a mistake to open your heart."
The shadow sighs, it's vacant eyes fixated upon nothing, hearing her words and taking them to its frozen heart, though of this it show no sign.
"Of all the things made in this world the most glorious shine with the fire of a thousand stars. You weep for your broken heart and feel this stabbing pain. My Dear Friend, everybody hurts. What makes each soul different is whether they let their fear of hurting inhibit their ability to trust. Trust always, and you will find the pathway home."
"I'm ready to come home..."

Bless the Little Children

Bless the little children,
sleeping soundly in their beds.
Bless their gentle mem'ries,
and all the dreams that fill their heads.

Bless the weary warrior,
searching for his journey's end.
Bless his stalwart courage,
in times of trial his only friend.

Bless the crying sweetheart,
yearning for her love's embrace.
Bless each crystal teardrop
that makes its pathway down her face.

Bless the rock-hard father,
being strong despite his fears.
Bless his true contrition,
recalling all those wasted years.

Bless the pining mother,
worried for her only son.
Bless her folded hands,
praying 'til the day is done.

Bless the newborn baby,
touched with grace and free from sin.
Bless her infant innocence,
her daddy soon she'll see again.

Bless the ones with faith,
looking eagarly for that soul.
Bless their simple praises,
for their warrior will come home.


Yay!! Another random burst of poetry!!! Don't criticize my form, I have none. Just enjoy it for the randomness that it is. I'm currently listening to a song from "Wicked" called, "I'm Not That Girl" and it's really sad!!! But now Josh Groban's on, so I'm happy again! ^_^ I can't believe the luck I'm having!!! I'd better be careful lest it runs out! ^_^ Yay happiness! ^_^ I'd explain more, but it's a surprise, and if certain people read this it'll totally get spoiled. ^_^ Okay. I'm going to go now. Spend some energy... Yay randomness!!
Luvs,
~Heather~

A Tribute to Jim Varney

Reading the title you should understand that this tribute is to one of the most rockinest actors that ever lived. If you don't know who the Hell I'm talking about, you were raised in a freaking box. Y'all can't tell me you've never seen one of the infamous "Ernest" movies. For those of you who really don't know what I'm talking about, I suggest you rush out, rent the movie "Ernest Goes to Camp" and make yourself familiar with a man named Ernest P. Whorl. Anywho, it's now raining like crazy here in Ithaca, and I hear that it's supposed to rain until, like, Thursday (Insert crying smiley here). In light of this recent development I'm posting lyrics to the best song in the movie "Ernest Goes to Camp." While slightly depressing, it holds great sentiment in my heart and a lot of great memories from the days of Ernest. Without further ado I give you:
"Gee I'm Glad It's Raining"

Gee I'm glad it's raining
There's always something to be thankful for.
I'm awfully glad it's raining
Cause no one sees the tear drops when it pours.

And no one knows the thunder
As your heart breaks in the sky,
And they think those rainy nights
Cause that sad look in your eye.

Sure am glad it's raining.
The gentle river soothes the pain inside.
I'm glad the stars aren't shining.
This wounded warrior needs a place to hide.

I thought I had found someone
I could count til the end.
What they wanted was a hero,
All I needed was a friend

Gee I'm glad it's raining.
I hope the morning sun won't come up soon.
As long as it keeps raining,
No one knows my heart broke right in two.

I thought I had found someone
I could count til the end.
What they wanted was a hero,
All I needed was a friend

Sure am glad it's raining.
I'm awfully glad it's raining


There ya have it! On a final note, the most supreme ultimate kudos to Pokey, Ernest's pet turtle!!! Yay, Pokey!!!!! ^_^

Just Don't Hate Me

"You seem different today."
"I feel different today."
"It's a good different, yes?"
"It's a great different!"
"I'm glad to hear that. It means we're making progress."
"Yeah. I figured that'd make you happy. So what're you doing for lunch?"
"I'm busy."
"What about tomorrow?"
"Busy."
"Will I ever get to spend time with you? We are friends, yes?"
"Of course we're friends. You don't even have to ask me that."
"So when are we hanging out?"
"One of these days."
"-Sigh- Whatever. Just don't forget about me."
"Now what are you doing that for? Talk to me."
"I don't want to talk to you. Not about that."
"Not about what?"
"My 'problems.' It's all we ever talk about. It's like I'm not allowed to talk to you unless I'm pulling a knife across my arm or contemplating my own death."
"*Grabs her hand as she tries to walk away* Wait! What's all this about?"
"Ow!"
"*Inspects her hand* What is this?"
"... Paper cut... I was holding my book and someone pulled it out of my hand..."
"Paper cut? I don't think a paper cut would look like that, with three lines across your palm..."
"Look, it's nothing."
"Nothing?! That's a whole hell of a lot more than nothing! What are you doing to yourself?"
"I'm not doing anything! I told you it was a papercut!"
"So now you're lying to me?"
"Why do you care, anyway? What does it matter what happens to me?"
"Why do I care? You're seriously asking me why I care about you?"
"I don't have to! I already know."
"Please, regale me."
"Because I'm a person and each person's life is valuable. Each person's life is precious. You don't care about me or who I am or what makes me happy or what doesn't. You only care that I am a person and you feel obligated to worry about me. You feel sorry for me, and that's the only reason you 'care,' the only reason you ever talk to me. It was the only reason you started talking to me in the first place!"
"You really believe all of that?"
"What else am I supposed to believe? You're there when I'm sad, when I need someone to talk to, when I'm suicidal... But when it comes to just talking casually or hanging out, you don't want to. Maybe you find me annoying, but I think it's because this crush that I have on you makes you uncomfortable, so you claim to be my friend, but when it comes to doing friend stuff together, you're nowhere, because you don't want to be around the stupid little freshman who thinks you're really great."
"I don't even know what to say to that..."
"Good. I told you from the start I was a bad person, now you get to see it first class. If the only time you ever talk to me is when I'm on the verge of wanting to kill myself, how am I ever supposed to get better? It confuses my mind... My head tells me, 'You want him to talk to you? Pull out your knife and get to work! Be sad! You know it's the only way he'll talk to you.' So I ended up hurting myself and I don't know if I'm doing it for a particular reason in my heart, or if I'm only doing it to get your attention! I'm such a terrible person..."
"You are not a terrible person. How many times do I have to tell you? And how many times do I have to tell you how many people are here for you?"
"You just don't get it..."
"I'm here for you."
"Yeah! When there's something wrong with me. So as long as there's always something wrong with me, you'll always 'be there for me.' Not when I have great news to tell you and not when I'm bored on a Friday night and am looking for someone to chill with. But the next time I see a car coming and have the unexplainable urge to jump out in front of it, I'll remember to call you, because you're 'there for me.'"
"Now you're just being sarcastic and cynical."
"You just don't get it... I'm beginning to think maybe you never will."
"What you're doing to me isn't fair."
"No! You're right. It's not fair at all. You are a great, wonderful, awesome person who rocks out loud in every way possible. I was just the stupid idiot who had to go and tell you that I had a crush on you. So you are an angel and I am a bitch. All I ever do is hurt people, so it shouldn't surprise you that I could treat you that unfairly."
"..."
"That, my friend, is what you call a fight. So move on with your life and forget about me... Wake up tomorrow and act like we never had this discussion and continue to 'be there for me' when I'm hurting myself, but just don't hate me... I really will die if you hate me..."

Sound the Trumpet at the Hour of Midnight!

Sound the trumpet at the hour of midnight, for a new day has dawned to awaken a sleeping land! Rise, O Sun, and smile upon the world! Greet the children of the earth with the warmth of your smile! Kiss their cheeks and color them red with happiness, for today is a joyous day! Wake the King and tell him to come forth in song, for the weary wanderer has returned at last!
From across the golden wheat field she rides upon a horse white and radiant, graceful in the spreading sunrise. Her flaxen hair trails out behind her, a banner of triumph to all who have lost faith. She has been to Hell and back again, kissed the face of Satan and returned from her journey to be cradled by Mother Earth, happy to see the smile of her own daughter returned safely from the grasp of despair.
Rise up, O Birds, and sing your songs of jubilation! Your sister returns to you, scarred but whole. She will dance in the twilight among the trees and sing to the flowers as they grow at her feet. She will raise a pale, slender hand to offer you safe perch and hold you close to her bosom, with the promise forever on her lips. Her heart, big as all the world, beats with the rhythm of a cadence, slow, steady and sure, loud enough to be heard by all those with ears. From her eyes the grace of God shines forth and at her touch hope is restored.
Look upon her as she approaches the city, solemn, but with a smile in her cerulean irises. See how she looks at you, as if you were a person and not some lowly creature of the dirt. She sees inside of you what you cannot see yourself and believes that you have to power to obtain what you dream. The breath of her lips gives you life, dance for joy as she moves past you, the time for weeping has gone.
See, now, the King, his arms open wide to the lady. No greater welcome is there than the loving embrace of the monarch, a trophy among warriors, given only to select few. Watch as she dismounts her glorious steed, her hair moving about her like a waterfall of gold, glinting marvelously in the brightness. She offers up a sword, designed in the midst of angels, touched by the tortured souls of purgatory and forged in the fires of Hell, magnificent and intricate. Each symbol upon its hilt holding an archaic meaning known only by the celestial beings we can neither see nor hear.
See, now, the blushing wanderer as her Prince exits forth from the castle, the love of Orpheus in his eyes. Without another glance to the crowd, her attention is devoted only to him, to whom she surrenders herself in his arms, a beautifully blissful sign of weakness and strength combined as one. Play now, Merry Lutes! A wedding there soon will be. Toll the bells and sing of the great loves of history, for upon the steps of the castle two hearts will become one, a peasant become a princess, and the Prince shall rule the kingdom with peace, patience and prosperity. A glorious reign is to come, like none before it. See now, as the future unfolds before you. Hold it in your palm and hear the joyously pealing bells.
Sound the trumpet at the hour of midnight, for a new day has dawned to awaken a sleeping land! Rise, O Sun, and smile upon the world! Greet the children of the earth with the warmth of your smile! Kiss their cheeks and color them red with happiness, for today is a joyous day! Wake the King and tell him to come forth in song, for he shall soon see the smile of forever-love upon the face of his son and gain in his heart the diamond of the night sky, brought to earth by a miracle, snatched away by the hand of death and returned to the world with the grace of God within her! The weary wanderer has come home at last!

To Have Wings

"To have wings would be the greatest thing in the world."
"Are you kidding me?"
"No! I'm serious. I could just fly away from the world whenever I needed to."
"You'd look pretty freaky." *Cough*
"Come on! I'm being serious. Haven't you just ever wanted to leave it all behind you?"
"Not really. I'm happy with who I am, how I am, and where my life is going."
"To feel the sun on my back and the cool wind on my face... I could get lost just thinking about it."
"What's wrong with being right here?"
"You don't get it. Things are easy for you. There are people who like you best..."
"That doesn't matter. You worry too much about what people think."
"Do you like me best?"
"What I think of you doesn't matter."
"You're only saying that because you don't."
"That doesn't mean I don't like you or that I don't think you're cool. You're really awesome. We're friends."
"'We're friends.' Sometimes I think that's a cop out. 'Oh, you're a really great friend, the best of, it's just that I don't like you any more than that.' Yeah, it's cool to be a great friend, but after you hear it all your life it just gets depressing."
"There's more to life than having a boyfriend."
"Easy for you to say, Mr. on-average-3-year-relationships. You don't understand what it's like. There might be more to life, but I wouldn't know. It's not like I have anything to compare it to."
"Sometimes you just have to trust people."
"Trust all of the people who told me I wasn't good enough? Trust all of the people who made fun of me and laughed at me behind my back? Trust all of the people who made me believe I was worthless?"
"There are more people in your life than just them."
"Yeah, the people I talk to who help me when I'm depressed, but don't make an effort to associate with me at any point outside of that. The people who talk to me when there's no one else around to talk to. The people who pretend to like me but secretly think that I'm a loser."
"Where do I fit in?"
"Where are you on a Friday, Saturday night? Or even a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday? I'm lucky if I get to see you on Thursdays and Sundays."
"You know I'm busy."
"Yeah, I do. So, no, I can't put you in any of those groups. I can't control whom I like, and you can't control whom you dont."
"You'll find someone someday."
"AH! There it is! That mythical 'someday.' Next you'll be telling me that there really is such a thing as 'happily ever after.'"
"Sometimes you just have to believe."
"Believe in what? How am I supposed to believe in something when nothing believes in me? How am I supposed to succeed when I can't see any clear future for myself? You seriously don't understand."
"I did once, and I got better. What's standing in your way?"
"Myself."
"..."
"Maybe I'll just make myself a pair of wax wings, like Icarus did."
"That'd be brilliant. If you recall, Icarus flew to close to the sun, melted his wax wings, and plummetted to the Earth."
"Well, when you put it that way, it doesn't seem like such a bad idea at all."
"Knock it off! I know you don't really want that."
"-Sigh- It's gonna happen 'someday,' why not sooner than later. Then I'll finally know the answer to all these stupid questions I have."
"I know you don't mean that. Think of what you'd be leaving behind. I'd miss you..."
"You're only one person, but thanks."
"Just because I don't want to be your boyfriend doesn't mean that I don't care. You don't know what's going to happen next, even though you think you do. Aren't you curious to find out?"
"Why do you think I'm still here? *Shrugs* It's not really my choice, anyways. It's not my life to take, so you can stop worrying about me."
"I'll always worry about you until I know that you're truly safe from yourself."
"Maybe you shouldn't waste your time. Go find yourself a nice girlfriend. Give her your care. She deserves it more than I do, apparently."
"You hurt my feelings when you say that."
"The World hurt mine first. Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I'm tired of sitting back and not fighting, always having there be someone else I want to be... I'm just not real."
"*Pokes her* You feel pretty real to me."
"Philosophically, I'm not real. I'm exactly who everyone expects me to be and in no way, shape or form myself. I'm not real."
"Well, I always seem to find myself surprised."
"Trust me. It'll get old in a little while and you'll be happy when the day comes that you're finally rid of me."
"I don't believe that."
"Maybe you should."
"-Sigh- Well, if it's wings you want, maybe I should help you find them. When you have enough trust in yourself to fly, I know you'll be exactly where you want to be."
"*With tears in her eyes* Now that might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me..."

Random Burst of Angry Negativism

¡Odio el mundo! ¡Odio mi vida! ¡Me duele! ... Ay, como me duele...

Mi Corazón en Español

Perdoname para todos los errores tú verá en ésta enviar, por favor. Yo estoy me poniendo mas inteligente y he decubrido que si estoy triste, puedo escribir en español y nadie sabrá que estoy diciendo. Cual, aunque mucha trabaja, es muy inteligente, porque si nadie sabes que estoy diciendo, nadie preocupará sobre a mí.
Me siento muy despreciable. Me siento como nadie me quiere estar aquí. Me siento como estoy invisible, como si yo fui desaparecer nadie vería y nadie se preocuparía. Las personas que yo quiero querer a mí, no me quiere y no quiere hablar a mí y no quiere pasar tiempo con mí. Ellos quieren alguien quien no es mí, y éste me duele. Yo quiero alguien querer a mí mejor...
Me siento mal porque estoy estando egoísta y infantil, y no me gusta quejarse, pero estoy cansada de sentiendo como yo quiero morir porque no tengo ningunos amigos real... Amigos quien me invita hacer cosas por las tardes and amigos quien me habla aunque hay nada mala con mí. Yo quiero ponerme mejor, pero lo me duele, and estoy cansada de doliendo... Mi amigo me dice que cosas se pondría mejor, pero estoy impaciente y yo quiero el dolor alejar. Yo quiero estar feliz.
Dios mío, ayudame. Éste vida me diste es muy difícil y no puedo hacerlo mas. Tú me pudiste aquí porque tienes un plan para mi futuro, pero yo no puedo verlo, y estoy tanta cansada... Tú has me dado amigos que son muy bien, y les amo en todos al mundo, pero incluso ellos no me quieren... Yo quiero un chico quien me ama mejor y quien me abrazará en sus brazos y hará el mundo alejar para mientras yo lo necesito desaparecer. Es no importante si él es mi amigo o mi novio. Yo solo quiero alguien me abraza...
Salgo ahora porque estoy mucha tarea hacer, pero si tú puedes entender éste, recuerdame, la chica quien fue olvidado al mundo.

Just Some More of That Really Negative Ranting I Do So Well

This is kind of random, but something that I have to get off of my chest because it's just driving me insane and creating big problems for me. So I'm just going to rant about it, even though people are going to think I'm a really bad person after reading it.
So there's this girl and she's really awesome. There is nothing wrong with her that would make a person not like her, but there is this part of me that wants to hate her... Hate is a strong word, so I'm reluctant to use it, and I don't acutally hate her, but there is a part of me that will just randomly say in my mind, "I don't like her" and be really angry about it. Am I jealous of her? Jealousy is such a petty emotion, but I can't find myself able to move past it: able to stop wishing that I could just be her so that my life will be happy.
When she's around, I feel invisible. No one wants to talk to me or hang out with me, and with her, who shares certain similarities with me, everyone includes and invites out and says, "Hey! Come do this with me!" Nobody wants to hang with me just for fun... and the only time I'm not non-existent to any of them is when they think something's wrong that I might need help with or to make sure I'm not going to do something stupid. People don't want to talk to me just to have a random conversation about anything and no one wants to invite me over to chill on a weekend or just hang out with them for fun because they think I'm kool. I feel bad that she's the one that all of my negative energy gets turned towards, because she didn't do anything wrong... She's a really great person...
It was always something I had to deal with in high school, there being that one person that everyone had to pay attention to that resulted in me being a shadow on the wall... I thought graduating would make it go away and that I'd finally know what it was like to have people who invited me to hang out and do stuff, who enjoyed my company just the same as or above someone else... But here I am and it's just the same... Making me believe above everything else how true it is when I say, "Nothing in my life ever changes." I don't know how to get past believing that if I weren't around no one would really notice, because that's how I feel. It's one thing to be in last place and another to just be not-real to so many people who matter to me...

At the Lunch Table

The three of them sat together around a table as they did every day at lunch, the bustle of activity rushing around them. Three great friends, their names were synonymous with each other: You never found Hannah without Jonathon and Lucas looking out for her. This day found them laughing at the stories and jokes that had accumulated from the previous day's activities.

"You're such a dork, Jon!" Hannah said, laughing so hard she almost choked on the Pepsi she had been drinking.

"What? It was an honest mistake anyone could have made!" he retorted, trying to defend himself, but resorting simply to pouting playfully with a chuckle as his two friends laughed at his gullibility.

"Good one, Jon," Lucas added, wiping his mouth with his napkin.

"Hey, you guys!" a feminine voice rang out across the cafeteria.

"Alys! Come join us!" Jon called back, waving to the young girl who walked towards them, shifting to make an extra seat at the round table.

Hannah looked up from her salad at the charismatic girl. She was tall and pale with big baby-blue eyes and a slender shape that, although slightly boyish, made her about half the size of Hannah. Already self-conscious about the way she looked, Hannah averted her gaze downward after a friendly greeting, unable to bear the way her two friends looked at this newcomer.

"Hey, Alys! What's up?" Lucas chimed as she sat down between him and Jonathon. "What do you want to eat? I'll go get it for you!"

"A cheeseburger and fries would be fine," she replied, smiling. "Oh! I have to tell you what happened to me earlier today!"

Jonathon turned his attention to her as Lucas moved away and smiled, captivated by her every word as she began to tell him about her day. Hannah shifted in her seat ackwardly, listening intently, but unable to really retain what was said. She watched as Lucas brought back her food, pausing to throw a french fry at her, which caused her to giggle flirtatiously.

The way they were sitting, Hannah found herself with her two guy friends' backs to her, practically non-exisitent now that Alys was in their prescence. She hated herself at that moment, knowing that she would have given anything to be Alys, to whom the boys gave all of their attention. She questioned herself, wondering if she was in fact jealous of the young woman.

She had to admit, being around Alys made her feel inadequate and invisible to the people she knew cared for her most. She sighed. Alys was perfect in the sense that, since no one person is really perfect, she accepted her imperfections with such a grace that, because of them, she was perfect. She was talented and believed in her talents. She was fun and friendly and crazy and smiled often, brimming with self-confidence.

"If I looked like her I'd be bubbling with self-confidence, too," Hannah sighed quietly under her breath, picking at the food on her plate.

She stayed a little longer, fully aware that Jonathon and Lucas were now oblivious to her presence. Tears pricked at her eyelids and, not wanting them to be concerned, Hannah quietly moved away from the table, clearing her tray dutifully.

She passed through the hoards of people and stopped to look back over her shoulder. They were the best friends she could have asked for and they meant the world to her, but there was a part of her that was so tired of being the "last-resort" girl: The one they would only hang out with once in awhile, when there was no one else available. They'd never invite her to spend time with them on the weekend, like they had been Alys alarmingly often as of late. She sighed. She didn't know how to tell them, knowing that she was just being selfish and that by doing so she would make them hate her. She was probably overreacting anyways.

She smiled strangely. They hadn't even noticed that she had moved. She chuckled softly and turned to leave, trying to disguise the tears that were threatening to fall down her cheeks.

"When is someone going to like me best?" she asked no one in particular, exiting the building sadly.

I Sing My Song

I sing my song to all the weary,
I sing my song to you.
All of those whose hearts are dreary
You all are loved, too.

Life can be unkind by nature,
It's grasp we can't escape,
But there is hope for every creature
That sorrow can't erase.

For if tonight your heart is lonely
And no one seems to care,
Remember, if for this night only,
Someone hears your prayer.

For I am the wind that rises to meet you
As you walk this road.
With faith, cruel time will not defeat you
And love will find it's home.


Don't you love my random bursts of poetry?? ^_~ My apologies, writing poems has never been my strong point, but some things I just have to get out of me. I try to find comfort in believing that I'm not the only one in the world who feels alone, so maybe if someone who's feeling lonely comes across this post and sees that someone else is feeling potentially the same thing, they, too, will be comforted. When you've lost hope it's hard to make yourself believe that things will get better and that it's impossible for them to stay the same forever. I don't really know what I believe, because sometimes it just depends on the day. But I encourage all those in the world who are without belief that there's a ray of sunlight waiting for them to never give up hope. It's a beautiful gem that no one can ever take away from you. Sometimes we just misplace it, but in the end, it always comes back to us. I think one of the saddest things in the world is to live without hope in your heart. I would do anything for any one person so that they could find a little relief from whatever pain they are feeling. I may not exist, but if I brushed your arm, you'd feel it, and if I whispered in your ear that, as a person, you are worth all of the gold in the world, you would hear it and know in your heart that it's the truth. The world may tell us lies, but the truth is always felt in our hearts, and the accepting truth is the first step to finding your lost hope.